Death Without Regret

I lost my mom almost two years ago, and recently some people that I'm very close to have lost very significant men in their lives. I am reminded that I don't have a promise of a certain amount of time. It's been said many times over, don't waste what precious time you have.

Remember that we are not promised tomorrow, and though we may end up in a better place, our loved ones will be left with whatever we left unfinished. Tell your tale, say your sorry, tell them you love them, grip them in your arms and just listen to the quiet. You will not regret, and you will not have unfinished business if you take care of it now!

People are always so worried about appearance that they forget the smallest details that really matter when all is said and done. It is such a sad way to end a relationship if you do.

Why?

I haven't been online much this weekend. Been too busy. Anyways, I was on Youtube.com and watching some interesting videos about anti depressants and babies born while Mom's are on them, particularly Effexor.

If you've ever spent a few minutes on youtube you'll notice that you can go from one type of video that you were originally looking for to another totally unrelated one. Almost like going on Google for something and trying to find one thing and getting a whole bunch of unrelated search stuff.

I saw this link of a beautiful little girl, reminded me of my own. Same color hair, same color eyes, etc. The video was a tribute to her and then I remembered that she had been abused and then murdered a few years ago. I had already started watching this video while realizing this. Then, they went into detail about how she died and I had to stop watching it. I started sobbing my eyes out, and trying to remember that she is with Jesus and praying her pain was only momentary. I was so disgusted!

There's only been one other time that I was so deeply effected and I think mostly it's because I try to avoid the abuse stuff, even though I worked with abused children for two years. I saw a little news clip and didn't really know what it was and then the anchor proceeded to detail one of the most gruesome abuse cases I'd ever heard. No warning, and I had no understanding of why they would even detail it on a news broadcast but, there it was. So detailed that as soon as I realized what I was hearing, it was too late.

I proceeded to sob for three hours, asking God why the kingdom of heaven(little children) are being hurt. Of course I know the answer but, I mourned that child as if it were my own family. I really think there needs to be a little more censorship on news broadcasts about sensitive topics. Especially since this is someone's child or family member.

Praying for little children tonight everywhere...

Freaky Friday-Rape In Haiti

I've read in the last few months, strangely before the earthquake in Haiti, that it's nation is horribly corrupt and run more like a gang instead of a country. It's known for it's violence and rape. I tried to look up the statistics but, didn't find recent numbers. As of 2007, about fifty percent of young women had been raped. Fifty percent? I don't know about you, but those numbers are startling!

Now, according to several news sources, criminals are raping earthquake victims. These women and children are out in the open, some in tents. Basically, they are "prey" at this point. My heart breaks for them. The jails ruined, criminals roaming the streets, and there is complete and utter chaos. If you pray, please remember these people. There's lot of food and physical aid going to these people but, they aren't protected against the violence that is occurring.

*source Inquirer.net and ABC news*

Another Child With God

Please say some prayers for a Mother, Father, and Brother who are grieving the loss of their two year old boy.

There's been a sadness in my heart because with death, it can bring out the worst in people. So many people trying to shoot down someone grieving because they don't know if it's real or not. Sometimes I'm amazed at the lack of compassion and general mistrust human beings have anymore. And believe me I've seen some of the major "whoppers" of lies going around about children and death and disabilities. That DOES NOT mean everyone is lying. And, just in case they aren't, perhaps it would be wise to wait a bit before attacking.

I'm reminded of Romans 1:31 and II Timothy 3:3 that discusses such people and their lack of "natural affection" toward others. Regardless of who this family is, or what they represent, an innocent died in a horrific accident and he will be forever missed.

Please also pray for those that have chosen this day to be cruel to this family.

Rest sweet angel, Bryson Drago Ross (photo courtesy of twitpic @Military_Mom)

Longing For Autumn Days

If you live in the desert, or somewhere where the seasons don't really change, then you may know my sadness. I grew up in a place where the seasons changed. You got to see trees in their cycles. The fires of the leaves, then the shedding. The growth of buds, then flowers, and ultimately the lush green that becomes the tree.

It's always bittersweet to me this time of year. It's my time of year, if I can call it mine. I loved feeling the air turn cooler and smelling the difference in it. For some reason, I'm on this nostalgic kick every year. I know when winter comes, that feeling is gone and the dark, long days ahead aren't very fun. Where I grew up, it was rainy, not really snowy. Sometimes it would though and I would sit in the window many times a day and just look at the glistening white. That's another post though.

The Fall reminds me of Summer days ending, school beginning, holidays beginning, warm clothes wearing, and fire starting. I remember chilly, rainy Halloweens, and pumpkins rotting on front porches. It reminds me of my life in Oregon, with my Mom. With my family. I have a new one now and more often than not, I don't think about those days. They were difficult, beautiful, hopeful, and heartbreaking.

I mourn my Mother, and my childhood today. Promises I made to myself and some that I've broken. When we grieve, it's so very different from person to person. I often wondered what I would do when my parent's died, especially mom. I wondered if I would be in shock or would I just weep uncontrollably for awhile, and then watch it fade?

This has been a process and it's only been a few months. I'm finding myself doing the normal things, then gripped with tears. Now that it's my favorite time of year, I'm thinking about her and all the things that made her special. I can see, it's going to be a long road for me. A process. I can't expect anything of myself. There will be days of tears and mourning, days of prayer, days of joy, and days of anger. There is no right or wrong when it comes to mourning, there is just you and your thoughts.

Wordless Wednesday-My Mom

My Mother passed away on July 19, 2009 at the age of 56 due to complications of liver disease. She only met my daughter once, when she was 3 months old. I'm so sad that she will never get to be a grandma to my daughter and any other children I may have. Both of my parents are gone now, it's hard to even think about. I love you mom and I miss you already!