This will be mainly for me to vent but, also just to talk a little about my mom. My head has been in a cloud for the last couple of months and it's really taken a toll. I've been living out of a suitcase and boxes, I've been frustrated about money(which is pretty much all the time anyway) due to buying a home and bills. My mom is gone and I really haven't come to grips with it yet. There are days, like today where my heart is absolutely broken.
Looking at photos, I was reduced to tears and had to pick myself back up, because my sweet little two year old consoled me. I haven't been a very good mom the last month. I have been so busy that I haven't really had time or patience for her. I've been snapping at her and really just in my own mind. I feel terrible about it later, every time!
I've done so much already since we moved into this place and yet, it feels like nothing has been accomplished. I've done a lot of it on my own so it's a much slower pace. My kitchen is half painted but, we got more stuff out of storage so I had to start all over again with that stuff. I can't wait until at least I can find my things.
I guess I still haven't gotten my bearings yet. I feel like everything I'm doing is up in the air on some level. The house has been up in the air for about a year now since it's not completely set-up yet. We are trying to have a baby and that stress is bad some months and fine in others. I know it will happen, just hope it doesn't take terribly long. I'm getting older, my daughter is getting older. My mom passed away and I still haven't begun to grieve. I've been too busy and yet there are moments when it grips me and knocks me down.
Like I said, this is more of a vent. Just putting it down so that I can let it go. I think it's worthwhile to show humanness on it's most basic level. Many of us share very little and yet grief and stress are all part of life. God has been helping me in my prayers to him. He calms me when I'm frustrated. He allows me to put my burdens at his feet. He also hears the prayers of others that offered on my behalf and I can't ask for any more!
That's How You Know
1 week ago