Death Without Regret

I lost my mom almost two years ago, and recently some people that I'm very close to have lost very significant men in their lives. I am reminded that I don't have a promise of a certain amount of time. It's been said many times over, don't waste what precious time you have.

Remember that we are not promised tomorrow, and though we may end up in a better place, our loved ones will be left with whatever we left unfinished. Tell your tale, say your sorry, tell them you love them, grip them in your arms and just listen to the quiet. You will not regret, and you will not have unfinished business if you take care of it now!

People are always so worried about appearance that they forget the smallest details that really matter when all is said and done. It is such a sad way to end a relationship if you do.

Longing For Autumn Days

If you live in the desert, or somewhere where the seasons don't really change, then you may know my sadness. I grew up in a place where the seasons changed. You got to see trees in their cycles. The fires of the leaves, then the shedding. The growth of buds, then flowers, and ultimately the lush green that becomes the tree.

It's always bittersweet to me this time of year. It's my time of year, if I can call it mine. I loved feeling the air turn cooler and smelling the difference in it. For some reason, I'm on this nostalgic kick every year. I know when winter comes, that feeling is gone and the dark, long days ahead aren't very fun. Where I grew up, it was rainy, not really snowy. Sometimes it would though and I would sit in the window many times a day and just look at the glistening white. That's another post though.

The Fall reminds me of Summer days ending, school beginning, holidays beginning, warm clothes wearing, and fire starting. I remember chilly, rainy Halloweens, and pumpkins rotting on front porches. It reminds me of my life in Oregon, with my Mom. With my family. I have a new one now and more often than not, I don't think about those days. They were difficult, beautiful, hopeful, and heartbreaking.

I mourn my Mother, and my childhood today. Promises I made to myself and some that I've broken. When we grieve, it's so very different from person to person. I often wondered what I would do when my parent's died, especially mom. I wondered if I would be in shock or would I just weep uncontrollably for awhile, and then watch it fade?

This has been a process and it's only been a few months. I'm finding myself doing the normal things, then gripped with tears. Now that it's my favorite time of year, I'm thinking about her and all the things that made her special. I can see, it's going to be a long road for me. A process. I can't expect anything of myself. There will be days of tears and mourning, days of prayer, days of joy, and days of anger. There is no right or wrong when it comes to mourning, there is just you and your thoughts.