Tuesday, January 22, 2008


I know it's almost the end of January but, I guess now is as good a time as any. I usually don't really "do" resolutions. I think people get overzealous and then overwhelm themselves and then drop it altogether. Usually, I start to get very anxious toward the end of the year and say to myself "what did I accomplish?" or "did I do anything worth anything this year?". This year was different. I didn't have an anxiety feeling, I actually felt a peace. I'm sure a lot of that had to do with having my daughter. She is representative of many dreams that have come to fruition the last couple of years.

I'm not saying my life is roses because, well that's just not the case. The feeling is still the same. I have an utter joy within that gives me a peace. It's not the same as the way the "holy spirit" feels within but, it is a very close second to me. I'm so glad that I had to wait awhile before having my child. I was so high strung as a young twenty something. I had a bad childhood overall and wanted some control!!! I didn't get it in the form I was looking for but, along the way learned many lessons that I needed to learn to make me whole again. I had a true joy and was a much more relaxed person when I got married and had my daughter.

Couple that with being able to be at home with her for the year, and my heaven on earth was made! My child is not my whole life but, she filled a void that I had for so long. She will always be one of the great loves of my life. Oh, on to the resolutions.

As I was saying, I decided on a few resolutions which is out of character for me. The primary resolution was getting my spiritual life in order. I have put that on a back burner for awhile since I got pregnant with Kaia. I attended church and fellowshipped but, let my personal relationship slide. Today is always a good day to get back on track.

Second resolution is my "temple". I have let my body go this last year after having Kaia and before I got pregnant for that matter. The only time I lost weight was when I was pregnant with her. I was eating really well. I HATE having to think about what goes into my mouth. Hey, doesn't everyone. My goal isn't as much for a size, it's about health. I'm not in my twenties anymore.

Third major resolution for me making sure the intimacy in my marriage stays put. It's amazing in how even two years, a couple can get lazy and really focused on too many outside things. A sermon recently reminded me of this relationship. Estrangement in a relationship is easy whether it be in our relationship with God or with our mate. They are the two most important covenants we can have in our lifetime. If we aren't constantly "working" on them, communicating and making time for them, they will fall to the side. It makes it a ton harder to get it back to the way you want it to be.

I am attempting these things. Wish me luck. I have a true desire in my heart for these things to take place. I have a true desire in my heart to be the best "me".


Kitty said...

I'm hoping your resolutions can be achieved! Marriage takes a lot of work! I understand what you mean by having a child filling a void you had for a long time-I feel the same definately!

Heather said...

I am gonna steal your idea and blog about my "resolutions", hope ya don't mind.

It sounds like you know just the areas you need to work on in your life to get things right back to where you are comfortable.
Good luck, I miss you!